DWIGHT L MANSKE

time has seemed to stand still since they came to tell me you were gone i didnt want to believe it a spirit as open and loving as yours just doesnt disapear this fast jusy the blink of the eye and your gone gone from my sight forever i miss you so much they say time heals all bullshit its been almost four years and the pain is as strong and real as it was that horrible day in january as the 4th angle day approaches the ach is almost unbearable, i have thought of you so much this holiday season you always loved the christmas season i remember when you were growing up dad an i used to take you in the car driving around looking at all the lights we vivited the santa village and toy land this family set up on their farm several years in a row because you loved it so much to get out and walk around be rightup in the scenes then come home to hot chocolate and cookies remembering these times makes the holidays bittersweet i love the memories and remembering when the family was all together and the good times and the wonderful happy memories there were but knowing they are a thing of the past never to happen again to know you will never be able to have these memories with your own children or even your grandchildren guess you know dwight in watching over us all as i know you do that in a few months you will be a grandpa god kid your getting old it hurts to know i will never get to see you get any older than you were our last christmas in 06 i think you would have made a great loving grandpa oh god that would make me a great grandma THANKS A LOT FAMILY i dont think im old enough for this but you cant change what the lord and fate has in store just grin and bare it and try to enjoy this holiday you have been in my thoughts constantly so greatly missed i so dread the approach of your angle day on jan 5 that is the 4th anniversary of your leaving i still dont understand why why you why couldnt you stay why did it have to be so soon i still find it impossible to accept but it helps a bit to know you are here in my livingroom not in a dark hole somewhere that i cant get to the minute i want to be near you it does help but not much i love you so my first born and only son some of the trials and events you put me through as you were growing up i used to think it was a wonder you got to be as old as you were what i would give to have some of those times back again much much love to you until i get there tosee you and all the others who are there with you give them all a hug for me until i get there to do itmyself keep them safe as i know you will and continue to watch over all those you love and care about until we are all together there someday merry christmas happy new year and all my love to you now and forever love mom

AS WE PREPARE TO BRING NIGHTMARE HOME THE MEMORIES ARE FLOODING OUR BRAINS!  YOU TRULY WERE A CRAZY MONSTER!  JEAN AND I TALK ABOUT YOU AT TIMES AND YOUR CRAZY "LOCKNESS MONSTER" DAYS.  I KNOW THOSE DAYS ARE LONG GONE BUT WHY IS MY QUESTION?  JAMIE HAS A KOOL IDEA FOR A SCENE BUT I DON'T KNOW IF ANY ONE BESIDES YOU WOULD BE CRAZY ENOUGH TO DO IT!  I DON'T GET IT REALLY I DON'T!  JUMPING IN AND OUT OF A FREEZING COLD TROUT POND TO GET A FEW PEOPLE SCARED AND A FEW QUESTIONING YOUR SANITY!  THIS SUCKS DWIGHT!  THE NIGHTMARE FAMILY HAS LOST TOO MUCH! 

IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY THAT THE SHERIFF CAME AND SAID YOU WERE GONE! I SIT HERE RIGHT NOW SHAKING NOT SURE HOW WE GOT HERE. THE LAST 10 YEARS HAVE BEEN BOTH GREAT AND HORRIFIC AT THE SAME TIME! IN THESE YEARSS  YOU HELD US TOGETHER THROUGH EVERYTHING, YOUR NEPHEWS AND NEICE  BEING BORN, HAVINGF THE FAMILY BACK TOGETHER, HELL YOU WERE HPPY  FOR AWHILE! YOU LOVED THE KIDS AND SPENDING TIME WITH THEM. WE WATCHED YOU HURT THROUGH THE METH CRAP THEN YOU HELD US TOGETHER TRYING TO HELP DAD. WHEN HE DIED I THOUGHT I COULD HOLD UP UNTIL U GOT YHERE AND DID PRETTY GOOD UNTIL THE WAKE WHEN YOU HUGGED ME. YOU HELD US TOGETHER MORE THEN U EVER KNEW! THEN WE WATCHED AS YOU GOT CLEAN!!! I QUESS THAT WAS BITTER SWEET CAUSE YOUR BRAIN BACK FIRED AND WAS DEALING WITH YOUR HELL. AGIAN I FORGIVE YOU!!!!!!! THE PAIN OVER THAT DAY IS SO INTENCE I AM SO SORRY FOR HAVING YOU ARRESTED THAT DAY!! WE WERE GETTTING BACK TO NORMAL US WEHN YOU LEFT US IN THE EARLY MORNING EXACTLY 3 YEARS AGO!! WHY THE FUVCK DI YOU LEAVE US?????????? WHY THE HELL HAS THIS HAPPENED TO US??? ALL THIS FAMILY SEEMS TO DO IS DIE A GREIVE!!!!! I CAN'T FUCKING KEEP UP THE ACT ANY MORE!!! I LIVE IN HELL I HAVE VOME TO ACCEPT IT. BUT IT STILL HURTS I NEED MY FUCKING BROTHER AND DADDY!!!! YOU BOTH LEFT ME AND I FEEL SO ALONE! I AM SO FUCKING MAD AT THE FACT YOU ARE NOT HERE! I LOVRE YOU SO MUCH AND MISS YOU GUYS. I MENT TO PUT A MEMORY HERE BUT COULDM'T DO IT! I DON'T WANNA RELIVE IT, IT HURTS!!!

 To narrow my times with Dwight down to one memory would be near impossible. There was a point in my childhood where me and my family were with dwight for the better part of the summers. He always was polaying jokes on me and tonia and bugging us which led us to be little snots to bea and beth. The one thing that sticks out in my mind is no matter what he did he always lit up the room. He had a pretty twisted sense of humor but that made him just an awsome person to be around thank you dwight for all of the great times the laughter and the tears words can not express how I feel about you or how much we all miss you. With love and many tears your cousin Amber

Remembering is hard but when I think of all the good times that I had with Dwight I laugh, The day that my son was born Dwight came to my house at 5:00 in the morning to come to the hospital with me. He wasn't feeling good and He wanted to know if he could catch a ride, Well before he went to the ER he came up to my delivery room with me and he sat there. Even though he was in pain, Eventually he left, but it was not to long and he was back hooked up to IV's and in a hospital gown asking me if I was alright. After Larry was born he came up and sat with me and talked to me and told me how good I did while he was holding Larry, I remember at that moment that I could not have asked for a better brother in the whole world. We might not have been related by blood, but in everything else that matters we were brother and sister. I love and miss him but I am just glad that I got the time with him that I did. That time is what matters and his memory will live in my heart for the rest of my life.